On June 28th, 2020, I took the Refuge Vow to become Buddhist. So now, I'm Buddhist. Taking the vow was a HUGE deal while at the same time being NBD (no big deal) at all. Which is funny because one of the tenets of Buddhism (as I currently understand it) is about embracing paradox. And that definitely is a paradox—huge AND no big deal at the same exact time.

Why did I decide to take the vow? Here's my story. I'd been practicing Buddhist meditation since 2012 without a focus on the Buddhism part. I had come to it through the Positive Psychology program I graduated from. Prior to that, I had practiced all types of meditation from really mystical types to mantra meditation, all types of guided meditations, and kundalini yoga. They were all amazing, and I got something from each of them. Then I found mindfulness meditation, and I felt like I had arrived from a long-ass journey to sit in my comfiest chair. I felt like I had come home.

I started my life coaching business as a side-gig and shared mindfulness meditation with my private clients. I saw some real change in them. They started feeling clearer about who they are. They started experiencing more moments of peacefulness regardless of what was happening in their life. Meditation was helping them be present with their loved ones in a way they had never experienced before. Some of them were feeling less stressed and tired. And all of them had an increase in the general feeling that things are gonna be ok.

I decided I wanted to share mindfulness meditation with more people, so I started researching how to become a teacher. I found the secular (non-religious) meditation studio MNDFL in the West Village in NYC and applied to their teacher training program. The first time I applied, I was denied. I hadn't attended enough classes at their studio for them to invite me into the program. So I studied there for about a year and reapplied to the program the next time it was open. I got accepted. I graduated. I started teaching. A lot.

My home base was at their studio on the Upper East Side. Every Sunday, at 3 pm, I taught the community class. I would travel from my home in Jersey City, NJ (about an hour away on mass transit) to lead a breath meditation for 30 minutes, maybe take a class with one of my mentors, and travel back home another hour unless I missed the bus to Jersey City then it was almost 2 hours. I loved every single minute of it! I was there for nearly a year when... Covid-19 happened. Unfortunately, they recently announced that they're closing all their studios, which is heartbreaking because I truly loved practicing and teaching there.

I continued with my daily home practice and increased the classes I was leading online by 75%. I don't actually know if that percentage is accurate; it's probably closer to 98.75% given that I, like you all, was in quarantine and couldn't do anything anywhere in public. (Side note: I love throwing out personal random percentages on occasion with little to no actual data to prove them. It's super fun.)

I was hungry for more studying to supplement my practice. I applied to a 2-year teacher training and went back to studying with my teacher Lodro. It was great! I was feeling reconnected to the community (the sangha) again. Then a few weeks later, he announced that he and one of his teachers, Susan, were going to sponsor a few people who were interested in taking the vow. This is an opportunity that doesn't come around very often, so it was exciting to hear.

I sat with the desire to take the vow and asked myself why. Why did I want to become Buddhist? Well, one of the sexiest parts of taking refuge in Buddhism is that you're given a Buddhist name. Was that the only reason I wanted to take the vow? Nah. I spoke to Lodro and Susan both, and when they asked me, all I could say was, "this is home." I had tried other types of meditation. I had shopped around. I had dated if you will. And now, I was ready to commit to the one practice where I felt my body relax, my heart at ease, and my mind calm. I was prepared to make this extraordinary commitment, and although I felt excited, what I felt more of was a calm knowing.

At first, I told only my brother, Ed, and one other person. In my usual fashion, I wasn't going to make a big deal of it. But then my friend Glenda asked if there was a link for guests who wanted to attend. She let me know that it would be an honor to witness me make this meaningful life decision. What?! Yeah! She was right! So I was inspired to invite my family and a handful of my closest friends to witness the occasion.

I don't know if I'll ever get married (did you read my last post?) and even if I do get married, I don't think I'll have a wedding. So this was it. This was the ceremony that I got to invite my friends and family to witness my commitment to something I genuinely love. And they got off the hook nicely. No registry! No gifts! They didn't even have to leave their homes.

I feel like there needs to be a wedding type song for occasions like this. What's one that you think would've been fitting for me this day? Let me know in the comments.

PS - I was accepted to the 2-year mindfulness teacher training on a scholarship!! I'll be continuing my journey of being a well-rounded teacher starting in February 2021. I am very excited and very much grounded in calm knowing.